Rubdown
by Luithia Clen
Summary: Just an average day's return from game-jumping. Or perhaps not. You see what happens when you try to act mature, Ralph? A silly comedic one-shot with a bit of friendship fluff.


This bit of silliness resulted from a single mental image that amused me so much, I had to build a story around it. Also I wanted to play with Ralph acting parental for once.

* * *

A licorice-soled pair of wet, squeaky shoes hopped their way onto the floor of Game Central Station. Vanellope von Schweetz, owner of said squeaky shoes, bounced and spun around to wave enthusiastically at her friend, splattering a shower of water droplets onto the floor.

"Come on, Ralphie! You ain't getting any younger, I can tell you that much!" she shouted to the retro bad-guy as he finally stepped out into the station. Above him, 'Sonic the Hedgehog' blinked in bright red letters over the port they had just come out of. Ralph gave her a disapproving look.

"Hey, Kid, don't you think you should dry off first?" he asked.

"No," answered the young racer bluntly as the water running off her hair and clothes began to form a small puddle. Ralph rolled his eyes not-too-subtly.

She had been stubborn earlier that night too, in the game they had just visited. After seeing Fix-It Felix Jr. for the first time, Vanellope had made it a regular pastime for them to game-jump, much to the chagrin of the surge protectors. Being the main protagonist of one of the arcade's most popular games gives you some amount of influence, apparently, and they were allowed through without much fuss.

They had just been exploring one of the Green Hill levels of the Sonic the Hedgehog game. Ralph had warned her against it, but no, Vanellope just _had_ to jump on that spring button and get herself rocketed over a ledge. And into a river. Ralph had initially panicked, more than he would care to admit. Thankfully she suffered nothing more than an unexpected bath. A character only seemed to die in water if they were programmed unable to swim. He had informed Sonic of this as they were leaving. The hedgehog did not seem to appreciate it.

So there they were, standing in the power strip fifteen minutes before the arcade was going to open. Vanellope, still dripping, was waiting for him to start moving again. Ralph sighed and put his over-sized fists on his hips.

"Look, if you go and race around like that all day, you're gonna catch a virus or something," he said.

"That had better be a joke," said Vanellope, crossing her arms and looking up at him from beneath her brow. Ralph dropped his arms and let his head fall back, mentally cursing himself. _Okay, BAD way to put it,_ he thought and decided to try another approach.

"Okay, well your clothes are going to get all sticky and melty, and then it'll get all over your kart, and it'll all just be a mess."

"What are you, my mom?" she retorted and spun on her heel, squeaking loudly, to continue through the station. Ralph frowned. Taunting or no, he wasn't about to let her go driving through Ice Cream Mountain like that and freeze herself half to death. He started to tromp after her. Among the many characters he was passing, he noticed the chef from BurgerTime. He seemed to be carrying a multitude of things: ingredients, cooking utensils and…a large tablecloth. Ralph stopped walking.

"Um…'Scuse me, but could I borrow that for just a minute?" he asked quickly, pointing to the cloth. The chef froze in his tracks, the expression on his face bordering that of horror when he realized who was talking to him. Some things in the arcade still hadn't changed.

"I'll bring it _right_ back, I promise," said Ralph. He snatched the item out of the chef's hands without giving him a chance to object. Tucking the large white square under his arm, Ralph picked up the pace and jogged ahead to catch up with his small friend.

Vanellope, who was leaving a splotchy trail of water behind her as she walked, looked back over her shoulder to check on him. She noticed the cloth and her face fell for a moment._ Oh Fudge,_ thought Ralph.

"_You'll never take me alive!_" she declared loudly, popping into a run and zipping down the station length-wise. He gave chase, much to the alarm of the smaller surrounding game characters. The girl turned sharply to avoid a small crowd of people and ran straight towards one of the benches. For a split second he thought she was going to try to jump it until she glitched right through. After nearly tripping over his own feet to avoid running into a party of characters, Ralph took two huge bounds and hurtled over the bench.

He barely cleared the top and tumbled clumsily across the ground, knocking over a pocket of dig-dug Pookas. He apologized to them quickly as he scrambled back to his feet. Vanellope was already past the next line of benches, ducking and glitching around people as she went. Ralph could barely keep her in his sight as he tried, rather unsuccessfully, to avoid bowling over characters and obstacles on his way. He thought Vanellope was about to glitch through the next bench and out of his view when something miraculous happened.

She turned around, probably to yell something insulting at him, and slipped spectacularly on the wet floor, landing flat on her face. Ralph did not waste this chance. Letting the tablecloth fold out as he went, he rushed towards her. He lunged just as she got her footing and began to glitch. Using the sheet as a net he scooped her into it before his momentum crashed him into the bench.

"Ah-HA," mumbled Ralph, a little winded from the chase. He sat up, making sure to keep the edges of the cloth closed as he lifted it up.

"Ralph?"

Ralph looked over to find a familiar blue-clad handyman staring up at him with concern in his eyes.

"Oh," he said a little awkwardly, "Hey, Felix."

"Um." Felix glanced around at the collection of frazzled game characters and the dented bench as he spoke. "Is…everything alright?"

Ralph followed his friend's gaze and cringed a little at a few of the looks he was being given.

"Yyyyyeah, sure," he answered.

"What is that?"

Ralph watched him point to the wriggling bundle of cloth.

"Nothing," said Ralph habitually, knowing a second later how obvious the lie was. He heaved himself up to his feet and quickly continued, "Just, uh, gimme a second okay?" He cupped the bundle in one hand and wrapped his enormous fingers around it with the other. With an intense, almost motor-like motion, he rubbed the captive child thoroughly. After a few seconds, he loosened the cloth and let her plop out onto the floor.

Vanellope lay on the ground for a bit, staring up at the ceiling with a distant, dizzy look in her eyes. Then she propped herself up on her elbows and giggled unexpectedly. Her flash-dried hair stuck up at comical angles. She struggled to get to her feet and nearly fell flat on her face again, still dazed from the rubdown. Ralph put out his hand to help her as she tried to walk. Instead she fell face-first into his palm.

"She fell into a river," Ralph explained to an extremely befuddled Felix.

"O…kay?" Felix cast him a questioning glance but didn't press the matter any further. "Arcade opens in ten minutes."

"Got it. See you back home," said Ralph as the not-quite-certain hero headed back to their game.

"That was kind of fun."

Ralph looked back down as Vanellope giggled again. She was still half-draped across his hand. Ralph rolled his eyes a little and scooped her up into the air. This sent her into another bout of laughter.

"You know, you're quick on your feet for a big guy," she told him. Ralph smiled at his dizzy friend who now lay at eye-level with him. Suddenly, he felt the tablecloth being snatched out of his other hand. The BurgerTime chef was glaring up at him viciously. He rolled the cloth into a bundle and stormed off to his own game. As the chef left, Ralph heard him mutter something that he sincerely hoped Vanellope hadn't caught; for multiple reasons.

Turning back to the girl, however, he found her fully alert and staring intensely past his head. She bounced onto his shoulder and yelled after the chef.

"HEY! Truffle-hat!" she shouted, pointing after him to emphasize her point, "Don't disrespect my main man or I'll run you over, got it?!"

"Vanellope," Ralph muttered through the corner of his mouth as she continued to glare after the little man. She rolled herself over and sat up, huffing a little.

"What a butt-face," she said bitterly.

Ralph raised his eyebrow with a small smile. "Maybe, but don't go picking fights with him or anything, alright?"

"Oh, so you can defend me but I can't defend you?"

"It's not a matter of who's defending who," he told her as he heading towards the outlet for Sugar Rush, "It's a matter of it being something worth fighting over. Which that wasn't."

"That's debatable." In spite of the instability of him walking, Vanellope stood up on Ralph's shoulder and threw her arms over his head, resting her chin on it and letting her feet dangle.

"Your hair stinks," she told him.

"Kid."

"You really should have jumped in that river, too."

* * *

Hope y'all enjoyed. Especially since I feel like I haven't written comedy in forever.


End file.
